The Wise Woman Builds Her House — Part 4 — I: Intimate (isha)
This is for women wanting to improve their marriages and not for women who are being abused and/or whose children are being abused. If that is you, please seek safety immediately.
The Wise Woman Builds Her House Series at a Glance:
1. Foundation — Our Thoughts, The Truth, and Prayers
4. I — Intimate (isha) (you are here)
5. S — Service-oriented ('ezer)
7. A Quick-Reference Card & One Last Word
“Then Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’”
— Genesis 2:23 (AMP)
The Hebrew word for woman is isha (אִשָּה) — the perfect counterpart to man, ish. The sounds of ish and isha together echo their belonging with one another. A wife is isha in her deepest design — soft, near, like her husband yet distinct, made for him and for God’s glory.
The Bridegroom and His Bride
God wants an intimate relationship with you: so intimate that He calls it betrothal:
“I will betroth you to Me forever… I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know [recognize, understand, and acknowledge] the Lord.”
— Hosea 2:19–20 (AMP)
The extraordinary honor and gift of our marriage to Christ is a focal point throughout Scripture, from the prophets to the epistles to Jesus's revelation through the Apostle John:
“As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you.”
— Isaiah 62:5 (AMP)
“Let us rejoice and shout for joy! Let us give Him glory and honor, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has prepared herself.”
— Revelation 19:7 (AMP)
Amazing. The God Who spoke the galaxies into being calls Himself a Bridegroom — and calls you His Bride. The intimacy of marriage is the heavenly reality our own marriages are patterned after — a beautiful, eternal mystery:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church.”
— Ephesians 5:31-32 (AMP)
Earthly marriage points to what marriage most deeply is about: the betrothal of Christ and His Church. This is why intimacy in a Christian marriage is holy ground. Every quiet, devoted moment between you and your husband is a small living echo of a heavenly truth too vast for us to now comprehend.
Marriage as a Mirror of the Mystery
God is honored when our marriages reflect the intimate love He has for us:
“Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
— Ephesians 5:25 (AMP)
This is the intimate relationship we want with our husbands — delighted in covenantal desire:
“I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me.”
— Song of Songs 7:10 (AMP)
Jesus is our First Love in Heaven (Revelation 2:4–5), and each of our husbands is our first love on earth (Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:25–33, Proverbs 5:18–19). I remind myself multiple times a day that I must not forget my First Love and my first love. God comes first, and then my husband. Everyone else follows — even our children.
The book of Song of Songs is God’s invitation to desire Him and our spouse from the depths of our beings. It gives us a whole book of Scripture devoted to the joy, ache, longing, and delight between a husband and a wife. Whatever the world may say, God does not blush at marital intimacy. He inspired a love poem and placed it in His Holy Word for all to see and be enriched by and learn from. May we learn the love God invites us to nurture for Him and for our husbands — growing in purity, depth, and reverence every day.
Where Sin Desires to Undo Us
Our sinful nature has programmed us to be selfish, to withdraw at perceived imperfections, to criticize and complain instead of giving ourselves fully and joyfully to the one our soul loves (Song of Songs 1:7). But that is what we are called to do, again and again. True marital intimacy is built on nothing less than a growing awe and wonder at God's good gift to us of marriage:
“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of lights [the Creator and Sustainer of the heavens], in whom there is no variation [no rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [for He is perfect and never changes].”
— James 1:17 (AMP)
Marriage is one of those good and perfect gifts. Amidst shifting circumstances and moods, you can grow your in-love-ness with your husband — not as a one-time event, but as an ongoing love story, deepening over years and decades if you are so blessed and entrusted.
The enemy hates Christian marital intimacy because it strengthens a couple’s love, bond, and effectiveness for the Kingdom of Heaven as we carry out God’s agenda with more unity, gratitude, and resolve. That’s why he encourages us wives to withdraw from our husbands through distraction, exhaustion, discontent, and lingering hurt. These are not mere circumstances. They are targeted attacks designed to keep us from obeying God's clear command on marital intimacy:
“The husband must fulfill his [marital] duty to his wife [with good will and kindness], and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have [exclusive] authority over her own body, but the husband shares with her; and likewise the husband does not have [exclusive] authority over his body, but the wife shares with him. Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (AMP)
God's design is mutual, joyful, and self-giving — and Satan's strategy to undo us is the opposite. Knowing this changes how we fight: not against our husbands, but on our knees, with our Bridegroom-King — who equips us powerfully:
“In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places. Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious].”
— Ephesians 6:10-13 (AMP)
Armed in the complete armor of God, we can honor our marriages as He requires:
“Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.”
— Hebrews 13:4 (AMP)
Held in honor. Undefiled. Worth defending — with our prayers, our time, our attention, and our affection.
A Prayer to Deepen the Bond
“That they may all be one; just as You, Father, are in Me and I in You.”
— John 17:21 (AMP)
Oneness with our husbands is a gift from God that He unfolds in layers over time. When we are feeling far from that oneness, or when we just want sleep or rest instead of intimacy, we can pray this prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your good gift of marriage. Thank You for our marriage bed. Grow our oneness, deepen our desire, and bless our time together. Help us answer Your perfect love for us by honoring our marriage bed, giving ourselves completely to each other, and becoming — through our deepening bond — a stronger unit for Your Kingdom.
He honors this prayer because we are praying squarely inside His will. He delights to nurture what He designed.
Pray Often, Honestly, Expectantly
Pray without ceasing: in times of ease, thank God. In times of strain, trust God. And if you need a miracle, be encouraged: the God Who made marriage — and made yours — can and does work miracles on our behalf. If you have not had the kind of intimacy you long for with your husband, pour your heart out to God:
“Trust [confidently] in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.”
— Psalm 62:8 (AMP)
He hears you. He is your refuge, and He alone will help you fulfill His good design for strong marital intimacy.
A Prayer
Lord, You designed marriage, and You designed ours. Grow my intimacy with my husband. Grow our love. Protect our marriage bed. Let our oneness be a quiet testimony of the oneness You have with the Father — and of the love with which You have loved Your Bride. In Jesus's name, amen.
Intimacy is the precious bond God designed for marriage. Service is the daily love that strengthens it and answers His call.
A wise woman builds her house.