The Wise Woman Builds Her House — Part 1: Foundation
*This is for women wanting to improve their marriages and not for women who are being abused and/or whose children are being abused. If that is you, please seek safety immediately.
The Wise Woman Builds Her House Series at a Glance:
1. Foundation — Our Thoughts, The Truth, and Prayers (you are here)
5. S — Service-oriented ('ezer)
7. Conclusion — Reference Card, Prayer
"The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], but the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles]."
— Proverbs 14:1 (AMP)
A friend of mine recently shared with me about times of difficulty in her marriage. The blowups would shake her so deeply that she found herself questioning the marriage itself — and she hated that. She never wanted to get to that dark and confusing place again.
That beautiful, God-honoring desire of her heart — to protect her marriage from her own doubting — is what inspired this article. Let's start where every honest and productive conversation ends: at the feet of Jesus, where there is nothing to fear and nothing to fix on our own.
First Things First: The Thought Is Not Your Master
When it comes to fearful, doubting, angry, or intrusive thoughts: we can't stop them from entering our minds. But we can absolutely handle each one the moment it arrives.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit Who lives in us, we can submit any thought to God — and refuse, absolutely and completely, to entertain it.
In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul writes,
"We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ."
— 2 Corinthians 10:5 (AMP)
Praise God. We don't have to win an argument against the thought. We simply take it captive and present it to Christ, handing it to Him, and receiving from His hand the wonderful truths of Scripture:
We are His. (Psalm 100:3)
We are loved, protected, cared for. (Romans 8:38–39)
We are being shaped into His image day by day. (2 Corinthians 3:18)
We have the mind of Christ, to be guided by His thoughts and purposes. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
We are walking with His grace through our marriage; He is holding it all together, even when it surely doesn't feel like it. (Colossians 1:17)
He is so kind to give us these truths and the power of the Holy Spirit Who walks with us. We are not on our own with our minds. He is our Advocate and our Helper. (John 14:16)
The Truth About Your Marriage, According to God's Heart
There is nothing to question about the sanctity of your marriage. You are completely free from having that as an unknown — because it is absolutely known and has been since before the beginning of the world.
Your covenant is secure. God Himself instituted marriage, and in Mark 10:8–9, Jesus says,
"And the two shall become one flesh; so that they are no longer two, but [are united as] one flesh. Therefore, what God has united and joined together, man must not separate."
— Mark 10:8–9 (AMP)
You and your husband are one flesh, joined by God. That is settled outside of your feelings, which is a relief. You don't have to look to your feelings to find out this truth. It is already settled in the throne room of God Himself.
Your marriage is honored by God. As Hebrews 13:4 reads,
"Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value]…"
— Hebrews 13:4 (AMP)
He treasures you and your marriage. Even when you feel most hopeless and helpless, God is there loving you. He is regarding you, your husband, and your marriage as having great value. And His choice of what to regard deserves more weight in your heart and mind than that of anyone else.
He orders your steps, even when you wobble. He is not too small to carry you through your hardest days, even when that is most of what you are having, and even if it's been that way for a long time.
As King David writes in Psalm 37:23–24,
"The steps of a [good and righteous] man are directed and established by the Lord, and He delights in his way [and blesses his path]. When he falls, he will not be hurled down, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand and sustains him."
— Psalm 37:23–24 (AMP)
Your Living God, majestic in power to Whom all creation answers (Psalm 33:6–9, Exodus 15:11), is holding your hand. It is He Who sustains you. And, tenderly, every tear you cry matters to Him. As Psalm 56:8 reads,
"You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not recorded in Your book?"
— Psalm 56:8 (AMP)
He counts our tears in His very own bottle. Nothing this week, this month, or this year can weaken His resolve or ability to sustain you and your marriage which He has chosen to join together. His faithfulness and His power are perfect.
So… Pray First
In a moment of crisis big or small, before doing anything, go straight to your Good Father: Pray.
"Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]."
— Philippians 4:6–7 (AMP)
Notice the beautiful work He accomplishes on our behalf as shown in that passage. We are to bring everything to Him — not superficially polished prayers, but the messy, specific, hard reality He already knows. We bring it all with thanksgiving — before the answer comes, because He is already worthy of our trust and confidence today. And His peace comes and stands guard over our hearts and minds. He fights our spiritual battles for and with us:
"The Lord will fight for you while you [only need to] keep silent and remain calm."
— Exodus 14:14 (AMP)
Pray on the Armor of Christ.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes,
"Be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God…so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil."
— Ephesians 6:10–11 (AMP)
Pray it on, piece by piece — the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. The God Who gave the armor will give you the strength to wear it and the training to use it:
"He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze."
— Psalm 18:34 (AMP)
Pray for Rest.
In Matthew 11:28–29, Jesus invites you personally:
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened… and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls."
— Matthew 11:28–29 (AMP)
Blessed quiet. That is what He gives. And He is the only One Who can.
Pray for Hope.
Romans 8:28–29 is one of the most reassuring passages in the whole Bible for the wife going through a hard time:
"And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. For those whom He foreknew [and loved and chose beforehand], He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son…"
— Romans 8:28–29 (AMP)
The hard time is not a detour from God's good plan. It is part of how He grows us into the image of His Son and deepens our nearness to Him. That is His promise and His purpose. He will do it. (Philippians 1:6)
And Pray for His Sanctifying Work in your heart.
In Philippians 1:6, Paul writes,
"I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return]."
— Philippians 1:6 (AMP)
The same God who began the good work of your new life in Him — and by valuable and inseparable extension, your marriage — will finish it. Pray that with confidence.
Now that we have looked at four prayers to pray from the trenches, inviting God's help in a big way into our wifehood, we go to what He has called and equipped us to do daily, with His help.
RAISE — A Framework for the Wise Woman
"The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], but the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles]."
— Proverbs 14:1 (AMP)
The two women in this verse have chosen differently. One builds intentionally. The other tears down, even if that's not what she set out to do. The difference in their day-by-day actions is the presence or absence of wisdom, the beginning of which is a reverential fear of the Living God — a joyfully prostrate posture before Him (Proverbs 9:10).
Solomon expands the picture for us:
"Through [skillful and godly] wisdom a house [a life, a home, a family] is built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], and by knowledge its rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."
— Proverbs 24:3–4 (AMP)
The most precious and pleasant riches are the very members of the family — God's own treasures, filled with the Holy Spirit and bearing His fruits (1 Peter 2:9; Galatians 5:22–23).
During a prayer before bed one evening, I was reflecting on these verses, and the Lord gave me the acronym RAISE.
It was a gift that clarified how I think about the special role He has given us as wives.
We want to RAISE up our homes — to build up our houses — and we do that by first and fervently building up our husbands. The most freeing part of this choice is our total focus on pleasing God in the special role He has entrusted to us.
We aim to please Him in every detail of being a wife, which can be explored by considering five areas where God calls us to RAISE our husbands and by extension our homes:
The Greek and Hebrew words you saw in parentheses are rich and helpful, and I first learned of most of them at a wonderful workshop for wives at our church.
As we explore each of these words of the acronym, note that working on building our homes as wise women under God protects us from doubt and unhelpful thoughts. By intentionally working on carrying out God's will for us in our marriages, we are proactively filling our minds, hearts, and actions with good things — and the fruit of the Spirit follows (Philippians 4:8; Galatians 5:22–23).
Let's now explore each pillar of how God helps us RAISE up our homes — one at a time, over the next six posts.
A wise woman builds her house.