The Wise Woman Builds Her House — Part 1: Foundation
*This is for women wanting to improve their marriages and not for women who are being abused and/or whose children are being abused. If that is you, please seek safety immediately.
The Wise Woman Builds Her House Series at a Glance:
1. Foundation — Praying The Truth (you are here)
5. S — Service-oriented ('ezer)
7. Conclusion — Reference Card, Prayer
"The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives],
But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles]."
— Proverbs 14:1 (AMP)
As we seek to become closer to God and be the wives He has called us to be, we sit at the feet of Jesus, where there is nothing to fear and nothing to fix on our own.
The God we serve is both powerful and tender. He makes His home in the heavens and with the contrite of heart (Isaiah 57:15). We can rest in His greatness and in His mercy, hopeful because of His promises:
We are His (Psalm 100:3). We are being shaped, day by day, into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18). And He is the One doing the work in and through us (Philippians 2:13).
Supported so fully by Him, let us start at the hidden battleground of our faith and marriages: our minds.
The Enemy Wants Your Mind — Christ Has Already Won It
Scripture commands us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds so we can test and approve God's good, acceptable, and perfect will for us (Romans 12:2). This renewal is active and ongoing; we are to be continually renewed in the spirit of our mind (Ephesians 4:23).
A mind that stores up God's Word (Psalm 119:11) and practices it learns to discern between good and evil (Hebrews 5:14) and to hate what is evil and cling to what is good (Romans 12:9).
That discernment and clarity of position are essential because, in our marriages and in all of our lives, we are engaged in the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12). Scripture is clear: "Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8). Our enemy is the father of lies (John 8:44) who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).
But Jesus has promised to be with us always (Matthew 28:20). God has not left us defenseless but has given us His Holy Spirit (John 14:26). He Himself stands guard for us:
"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you [setting you on a firm foundation] and will protect and guard you from the evil one."
— 2 Thessalonians 3:3 (AMP)
What is our part in fighting the good fight of faith against the enemy's lies that seek to destroy our marriages and lives? We are commanded to…
resist him and are promised that he will flee (James 4:7)
put on the full armor of God so we can stand against his schemes (Ephesians 6:11), and
take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:17).
Scripture is the lamp to our feet and the light to our path (Psalm 119:105). It is the truth that snuffs out every deceitful scheme from the enemy.
The arrival of any fearful, doubting, angry, or intrusive thought provides our queue to lift our shield of faith and wield our sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:16-17).
Through the Holy Spirit who lives in us, we have the very mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) — able to be guided by His thoughts, His purposes, His truth. We can submit each and every thought to God — and refuse, definitively and completely, to entertain any lie:
"We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ."
— 2 Corinthians 10:5 (AMP)
Praise God. We are not captive to any thought that stands against our faith or marriage. Rather, Christ is the commanding officer of our minds, we are the guards, and our job is to take each thought captive, hand it to Christ, and cover it with the truth of Scripture — just as Jesus met every attack in the wilderness with "It is written…" (Matthew 4:1–11).
And when we trust the Lord and take refuge in Him, He becomes our shield:
"Every word of God is tested and refined [like silver];
He is a shield to those who trust and take refuge in Him."
— Proverbs 30:5 (AMP)
The result is the peace of God that no circumstance can touch:
"You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character],
Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]."
— Isaiah 26:3 (AMP)
He is so kind to give us these truths and the power of the Holy Spirit who walks with us. We are not on our own with our minds. He is our Advocate and our Helper (John 14:16).
The Truth About Your Marriage, According to God's Heart
If you have felt hopeless about your marriage, be heartened by the Word of God.
Before you were born, every day of your life was already written in His book (Psalm 139:16) — including every day shared with your husband. Not one day has surprised Him.
Your covenant is secure. God Himself instituted marriage, and in Mark 10:8–9, Jesus says,
"AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so that they are no longer two, but [are united as] one flesh. [Gen 2:24] Therefore what God has united and joined together, man must not separate [by divorce]."
— Mark 10:8–9 (AMP)
You and your husband are one flesh, joined by God. Your feelings are not the arbiter of this truth. The Lord’s Word is. The truth about your marriage is settled in the throne room of God Himself.
Your marriage is honored by God. As Hebrews 13:4 reads,
"Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value]…"
— Hebrews 13:4 (AMP)
The Lord treasures you and your marriage. Even when you feel most hopeless and helpless, God is there — loving you, loving your husband, holding your marriage as something of great value. And His choice of what to regard deserves more weight in your heart and mind than that of anyone else.
He orders your steps, even when you feel unsteady. The God Who upholds the universe by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3) and Who knows when each sparrow falls (Matthew 10:29-31) carries you. He doesn’t just carry you when you feel easy; He carries you through your hardest days, even when that is most of what you are having, and even if it's been that way for a long time.
As King David writes in Psalm 37:23–24,
"The steps of a [good and righteous] man are directed and established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way [and blesses his path].
When he falls, he will not be hurled down,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand and sustains him."
— Psalm 37:23–24 (AMP)
Your Living God, majestic in power to Whom all creation answers (Psalm 33:6–9, Exodus 15:11), is holding your hand. It is He Who sustains you — and it is He Who holds your marriage together, even when it surely doesn't feel like it (Colossians 1:17).
Tenderly, every tear you cry matters to Him. As Psalm 56:8 reads,
"You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not recorded in Your book?"
— Psalm 56:8 (AMP)
He counts our tears in His very own bottle. Nothing — in your immediate vicinity or in all of creation — can separate you from His love (Romans 8:38–39). Nothing can weaken His resolve or His ability to sustain you and your marriage, which He Himself has chosen to join together. His faithfulness and His power are perfect. We can trust Him completely.
So… Pray First
In a moment of crisis big or small, before doing anything, go straight to your Good Father: Pray.
"Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. [John 14:27]"
— Philippians 4:6–7 (AMP)
Notice the beautiful work He accomplishes on our behalf as shown in that passage. We are to bring everything to Him — not superficially polished prayers, but the messy, specific, hard reality He already knows. We bring it all with thanksgiving — before the answer comes, because He is already worthy of our trust and confidence today. And His peace comes and stands guard over our hearts and minds while He fights our spiritual battles for us:
"The Lord will fight for you while you [only need to] keep silent and remain calm."
— Exodus 14:14 (AMP)
Pray on the Armor of Christ.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes,
"In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil."
— Ephesians 6:10–11 (AMP)
Pray it on, piece by piece — the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:12-18). The God Who gave the armor will give you the strength to wear it and the training to use it:
"He trains my hands for war,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze."
— Psalm 18:34 (AMP)
Pray for Rest.
In Matthew 11:28–29, Jesus invites you personally:
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST (renewal, blessed quiet) FOR YOUR SOULS. [Jer 6:16]"
— Matthew 11:28–29 (AMP)
Blessed quiet. That is what He gives. And He is the only One Who can.
Pray for Hope.
Romans 8:28–29 is one of the most reassuring passages in the whole Bible for the wife going through a hard time:
"And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. For those whom He foreknew [and loved and chose beforehand], He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son…"
— Romans 8:28–29a (AMP)
The hard time is not a detour from God's good plan. It is part of how He grows us into the image of His Son and deepens our nearness to Him. That is His promise and His purpose. He will do it.
Pray for His Sanctifying Work in your heart.
The Lord is our Perfect Sanctifier:
"I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return]. [Rom 14:10"]"
— Philippians 1:6 (AMP)
The same God who began the good work of your new life in Him — and by valuable and inseparable extension, your marriage — will finish it. Pray that with confidence.
Now that we have looked at four prayers to pray when fighting the good fight of faith for your marriage, we go to what He has called and equipped us to do daily, with His help.
RAISE — A Framework for the Wise Woman
"The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives],
But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles]."
— Proverbs 14:1 (AMP)
The two women in this verse have chosen differently. One builds intentionally. The other tears down, even if that's not what she set out to do. The difference in their day-by-day actions is the presence or absence of wisdom, the beginning of which is a reverential fear of the Living God — a joyfully prostrate posture before Him (Proverbs 9:10).
Solomon expands the picture for us:
"Through [skillful and godly] wisdom a house [a life, a home, a family] is built,
And by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation],
And by knowledge its rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches."
— Proverbs 24:3–4 (AMP)
The most precious and pleasant riches are the very members of a family.
During a prayer before bed one evening, I was reflecting on these verses, and the Lord gave me the acronym RAISE.
It was a gift — a way to see, more clearly, the beautiful role He has entrusted to us as wives.
We want to RAISE up our homes — to build up our houses — and we do that by first and fervently building up our husbands. The most freeing part of this choice is our total focus on pleasing God in the special role He has entrusted to us. We get to focus on God’s sanctifying work in our own hearts and actions, which frees us from a critical, bitter, or discontent spirit.
We aim to please Him in every detail of being a wife across these five pillars:
The Greek and Hebrew words you see in parentheses are rich and helpful, and I first learned of most of them at a wonderful workshop for wives at our church.
As we explore each of these words of the RAISE acronym, note that working on building our homes as wise women under God protects us from doubt and unhelpful thoughts in the battlegrounds of our minds. By intentionally working on carrying out God's will for us in our marriages, we are proactively filling our minds, hearts, and actions with good things — and the fruit of the Spirit follows (Philippians 4:8; Galatians 5:22–23).
Now let us explore each pillar of how God helps us RAISE up our homes — one at a time, over the next several posts.
A wise woman builds her house.